Definition of Work

"What is the definition of work?"

The words still haunt me. Been a long time, but I have not forgotten the countless excuses that I thought of to deflect it. The first one was, "This is not part of the syllabus." What I really wanted to say was, "If I knew the answer to this, I wouldn't be sitting here facing you with a look of failure" 

I was taught different though, respect the authority. The stern look told me that BS was not acceptable this time. I had flunked and someone was going to pay for this. It was going to be me. "I don't know," I replied, eventually.

"Its Force times Distance," he said.

I sat there, reflecting on the relevance of the answer to my situation and the next sentence drove home the point. "I see you studying, but the achievement is zero. You are pushing against a wall, applying a lot of force but have not moved it a bit. Distance = zero. Force X 0 = 0. Which is what you have."

I forget to thank my father sometimes for teaching me the value of moving the wall, instead of just pushing at it

I read these lines on the internet and found it to be extremely profound, hence thought of sharing it here.

 The greatest irony of life is loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out you love someone after that person walks out from your life.

Sometimes you think you’re already over a person but when you see them smile at you, you’ll suddenly realize that you’re just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again.

For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much you love the person.

Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love; love is always present. It’s just that one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little.

As we all know, the heart is the center of the body, but it beats on the left. Maybe that’s the reason why the heart is not always right. Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love only to discover that for them, we are just for past times, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger.

Here’s a piece of advice: let go when you’re hurting too much, give up when love isn’t enough and move on when things are not like before. There is someone out there who will love you even more, surely then, you will know true love.

For that special someone!!!

                "A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for the one in whose company he feels tenderly drowsy"

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. 

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. 

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. 

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. 

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. 

Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life

I came across these lines trolling the interwebby, and It could not be more true, we all experience this with a special person in our lives...

Thinking on these lines, I realise, I have been blessed to have someone to share these parts of my life with.. I managed to put up my feelings for that special someone in the lines below:

What else is there to life, without having you around to love?

You, I call my own. You, who are my own

Fiercely proud of you, deeply in love with you, insanely in awe of you.

A perpetual high, you make me dizzy, its the fortune of having found you.

I'm greatful and deeply so.

I'm helpless, I'm happy. I'm unguarded. I'm yours.

Hold my hand please. And Don't ever let go.

I'd be lost in the crowd. In a place I could never come back from.

Life's Uncertanties.. A Goofy Sunday!!

I am proud of who I am today. I may not be perfect, but I don’t need to be. Take me as I am or watch me as I walk away...

Everyone faces times in life where you've hit the bottom.. And the only way left to go is now up... When two individuals who are at somewhat similar situations in their life come together.. There are two ways they can go.. One is to cry about it and share their sorrow.. And another is to go out together and celebrate the good things in life..

This is the story of a coffee on a boring Sunday afternoon, which ended in a road trip.. Just what the doctor ordered for my injured soul..

The weekend was the usual.. Went to get my car serviced.. Once I was done, I called my good friend to meet her for coffee, and what transpired that Sunday afternoon, just lifted our spirits.. And both of us came back happier.

So here goes the story of the Sunday afternoon that made me feel so much better:

We met for coffee at Aroma, a cozy little cafe in Pradhikaran.. We were both in Mumbai the week before and had planned to meet at our fav place " Marine Drive" or MD as we prefer to call it, but with the two of us plans never materialise.. It has to be spontaneous.. And this spontaniety gives us memories that we keep close. So here we were, meeting for coffee, sharing how our lives had shaped up.. The weather outside was cloudy, with a hint of a drizzle, perfect for a drive..

I proposed we go for a drive, and she agreed. We left for Lonavla with a slight drizzle for company.. We both had huge emotional baggage we were dealing with, and nothing better than Hindi Oldies to share our stories over.. We were doing just that, and I was busy making light of the situation.. By singing in my horrible voice, Crooning to her and asking her to be mine!! (This has become our private joke.. I always ask her out, and she always sweetly tells me that we won't work out!!)

We reached lonavla and went to Tiger Valley.. There was some rain there, and we enjoyed the rain while looking at the beauty of nature.. Lush green hills, slight fog, the twisting roads of the ghaats, the railway line.. All that made for a beautiful setting, where we sat for a while, just taking in the beauty of the place we were in...

After a while, which seemed like forever to me,(as I was lost in her beautiful face flecked with raindrops) we left for Nigdi again. I asked her if she had a good time, and she said she still was having a good time.. It was not over yet.. On the drive back, I was back to the entertainment routine.. Singing to her in a woman's voice.. "Chanda hai tu.. Mera sooraj hai tu" and we were merrily giggling away like two  schoolgirls..

We reached Aroma again for a cuppa and some sandwitches, and the sharing continued.. It was a good heart-to-heart and both of us came out of it feeling lighter, better and happier.. Soon it was time to go our separate ways, we parted, happy about the wonderful time spent, feeling lighter and full of hope, Hope to  have many such spontaneous adventures!!

Cheers to many such wonderful times ahead!!

To Own or Disown? Skeletons in my Closet...

In the abstract silence of my resonating past, I chase my future. We all live this life, we all question the beliefs, I question each step and I have left them all behind, for they seek what I do not. I wish they cared for nothing but my concern. I haven’t forgotten the brutality of the reputation that they bestowed on me, I care no more for I have killed the real me. I walk on these two feet that crumble when aloof, I will touch the sky though all I aim is a shattered roof. 


That feeling to own and disown what never was yours is the most awful feeling in the universe called emotional turbulence. The control freak nature of the troublemaker kind is annoyingly spiteful. We cannot look beyond this moment and yet we need a commitment, promise of focus, an entire life worth of happiness as a payment for someone’s existence in our life. 


I am really tired of understanding myself, what do I want, what am I actually looking for? I have absolute clarity that I am done with whoever I considered close to me, be it family, friends and all the unnecessarily clingy relationships! I am done trying to impress people with whatever little emotions I could. Here on, I am happy to be on my own.


This earth doesn’t revolve fast enough to throw me off its trajectory. Of all the people, why am I hanging in there for no motivation? I have worked hard enough, wasted enough time, there is always confusion of pick and choose! There are always two choices and I can pick both but then, they cease to exist together. Either I plan to be happy or I plan to cling to something in the past . Happiness and the past unfortunately do not gel very well. For no matter, how happy I am the next moment appears to be comparatively dull. The hyper active side of me has been the most restless in past few months, so much so that I had deleted facebook, went off the grid and I have no clue what all I tried. All sorts of tactics. The worst is yet to come.


Whatever happened wasn’t entirely my prerogative, it was either pushed, forced or lack of maturity. Here on though, I am aware of my situations and in the process of making peace. However, what doesn’t impress me is my nature to jump in to something and to want to achieve it in the very next second. If only, I could convince myself that, that’s not how life works. It all happens at a pace. Now, pace; pace is a very tricky word here. Your pace is always slower than mine! All I can do is to move on, start fresh and keep fighting till I find a way to acknowledge and accept life as it is! Which is another story anyway.

Forgiveness

I would give everything I own

Give up my Life, My heart my Home

Just to Have you

How many times have you felt this way  for someone special  in your life?  Wanting to let everything go, give everything away, just to see a smile on that one special person. All the  times you have spent, just knowing that your doing a particular action for your special one is going to definitely make a smile appear on their beautiful countenance, and  when you see that smile, you wish that you could live in the moment forever, as that smile is so  perfect for you, that you  feel that  there is nothing else you would want in life.

This person could be anyone, It could be your friend, your lover, your partner,  family, or just someone you have no formal relationship with, but feel connected to in a way that you feel complete when you are with them,  SOULMATES is what you would generally call them.

So there you are, living your life, looking for ways to bring a smile on the face of that special someone you have,  and something  happens,  a misunderstanding,  an incident, something they do that hurts you deeply,. It hurts so bad that you wish to end all association with the person who caused you that kind of hurt. You are hurt and for a long long time, are angry at the fact, that this someone for who you were willing to fight against the world,  stand by them through thick and thin, did this to hurt you.  It is sad, but sometimes, moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye.

When you do walk out of someone’s life,  it is because of all the miserable things that happened,  but in hindsight, you only remember the best of the times that you had. You spend  a shit load of time thinking of all the wonderful times you have spent with said person, and how it made you happy then,  you spend time crying about the fact that the wonderful times you had, all the smiles and the satisfaction of seeing that smile on that special person’s face are now all over, all that is left is the emptiness of the space that person occupied.  The person becomes a forgotten face,  but the feeling always remains.

The very person who did this to you, is the one you find hardest to forgive, the hardest to let go, but it is this person you need to let go of. Forgiveness means  letting go, It has nothing to do with condoning behaviour, it is just letting go. We do not have to know how to forgive. All we need is to be willing to forgive, the Universe will take care of the hows.

I have tried hard to do this and am still working at  truly forgiving the people who have done this to me in life, I hope to some day be able to truly forgive and let go, but until then, I continue to learn…

A FRESH PERSPECTIVE

There are so many times in life when you seem to be coming up against a wall. NO matter where you go,  or however you try to do things differently; you end up hitting the same wall over and over again. The wall really being a metaphor for a disappointment or a set-back. 

When you are down in the dumps, or in a situation, where you think everything is hopeless; what you really need is a moment to get a fresh perspective on things, You don’t need an enlightened person to give you a fresh perspective on things, you can learn from everyone and everything around you,  what you need is to keep your eyes open and absorb

      Now, a lot of people are uncomfortable in speaking to absolute strangers and asking them for a perspective on things, but it is important for us to always remember that two people who see the same thing… can interpret two completely different things.  So, while a problem or a situation may seem insurmountable to one person, another  may  look at it as an opportunity to learn something from the situation. It is this “fresh” perspective that is going to help you bring down the wall you keep hitting.

     I am driven by two main philosophies. Know more about the world today than I knew yesterday and lessen the sufferings of others. 

    You will be surprised how far that gets you. Help somebody if you can, even if it means going out of your way to do it.  The smile that would bring on the person’s face would be worth more than what you’d be doing otherwise, not to forget an opportunity for you to learn and grow.

     Having lived away from the city has given me a different view on life, I think it has not made me as bitter as other people my age who have grown up in the city.  It allows me to be open to people and more accepting. I would not venture any further to comment on its virtues or vices,  but would only go as far  as to say it has been an important factor in shaping me into the person I have become.

I’ve learned.. that just one person saying “You’ve made my day!!” actually makes my day…

I’ve learned… That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I’ve learned… That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I’ve learned… That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I’ve learned… That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve learned… That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve learned… That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve learned… That I can’t choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

I’ve learned… That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I’ve learned… That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

I’m okay, you’re okay—in small doses

I'm back after a long hiatus... Always been wondering what do I write about... never sure of it until someone called me an introvert... and that lead me to think.. what makes me appear to be an "INTROVERT'? is it because I dont talk much? is it because I appear not to like people? is it because I am weird? Is it because I appear to be aloof? I thought of clearing the air, and that lead to this post :)

I dont talk much is a complaint I have grown sick and tired of hearing. Its not that I dont talk much.. I don't like to speak unless I actually have something to say, I may venture as far as even saying I hate small talk.. most of the times.. but speak about something that truly interests me... and you definitely will have a tough time shutting me up!!

I have been called moody or aloof too many times now... That is because I like to primarily look inwards and pay attention to my thoughts and emotions, It is not like I do not pay attention to what is going on around me, but I do not find it as stimulating and rewarding. I am perfectly comfortable with my own thoughts, I love thinking, I love to daydream.. I love to have problems to solve, to work upon... but it really gets lonely when I do not have someone to share my discoveries with, someone who will share the enthusiasm that I have for the subject. I crave an authentic and sincere connection and intensely value the few friends I have , and they can be assured of finding in me a loyal ally for life! To me, the quality of time spent with someone matters more than the quality.

To quote a friend : " I'm the kind of person that would drive a 100 miles just to say to someone that I miss them"

Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cellphone. In contrast, aftaer an hour or two of being socially "on," I need to turn off and recharge. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For me, being alone with my thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating.

Because introverts are typically good listeners and, at least have the appearance of calmness, I know I do seem attractive to emotionally needy people. Being gratified that other people are initiating with me, I have more often than not, got caught in many a exhausting and unsatisfying relationships.

Hang me for being a bit eccentric then!