Life's Uncertanties.. A Goofy Sunday!!

I am proud of who I am today. I may not be perfect, but I don’t need to be. Take me as I am or watch me as I walk away...

Everyone faces times in life where you've hit the bottom.. And the only way left to go is now up... When two individuals who are at somewhat similar situations in their life come together.. There are two ways they can go.. One is to cry about it and share their sorrow.. And another is to go out together and celebrate the good things in life..

This is the story of a coffee on a boring Sunday afternoon, which ended in a road trip.. Just what the doctor ordered for my injured soul..

The weekend was the usual.. Went to get my car serviced.. Once I was done, I called my good friend to meet her for coffee, and what transpired that Sunday afternoon, just lifted our spirits.. And both of us came back happier.

So here goes the story of the Sunday afternoon that made me feel so much better:

We met for coffee at Aroma, a cozy little cafe in Pradhikaran.. We were both in Mumbai the week before and had planned to meet at our fav place " Marine Drive" or MD as we prefer to call it, but with the two of us plans never materialise.. It has to be spontaneous.. And this spontaniety gives us memories that we keep close. So here we were, meeting for coffee, sharing how our lives had shaped up.. The weather outside was cloudy, with a hint of a drizzle, perfect for a drive..

I proposed we go for a drive, and she agreed. We left for Lonavla with a slight drizzle for company.. We both had huge emotional baggage we were dealing with, and nothing better than Hindi Oldies to share our stories over.. We were doing just that, and I was busy making light of the situation.. By singing in my horrible voice, Crooning to her and asking her to be mine!! (This has become our private joke.. I always ask her out, and she always sweetly tells me that we won't work out!!)

We reached lonavla and went to Tiger Valley.. There was some rain there, and we enjoyed the rain while looking at the beauty of nature.. Lush green hills, slight fog, the twisting roads of the ghaats, the railway line.. All that made for a beautiful setting, where we sat for a while, just taking in the beauty of the place we were in...

After a while, which seemed like forever to me,(as I was lost in her beautiful face flecked with raindrops) we left for Nigdi again. I asked her if she had a good time, and she said she still was having a good time.. It was not over yet.. On the drive back, I was back to the entertainment routine.. Singing to her in a woman's voice.. "Chanda hai tu.. Mera sooraj hai tu" and we were merrily giggling away like two  schoolgirls..

We reached Aroma again for a cuppa and some sandwitches, and the sharing continued.. It was a good heart-to-heart and both of us came out of it feeling lighter, better and happier.. Soon it was time to go our separate ways, we parted, happy about the wonderful time spent, feeling lighter and full of hope, Hope to  have many such spontaneous adventures!!

Cheers to many such wonderful times ahead!!

To Own or Disown? Skeletons in my Closet...

In the abstract silence of my resonating past, I chase my future. We all live this life, we all question the beliefs, I question each step and I have left them all behind, for they seek what I do not. I wish they cared for nothing but my concern. I haven’t forgotten the brutality of the reputation that they bestowed on me, I care no more for I have killed the real me. I walk on these two feet that crumble when aloof, I will touch the sky though all I aim is a shattered roof. 


That feeling to own and disown what never was yours is the most awful feeling in the universe called emotional turbulence. The control freak nature of the troublemaker kind is annoyingly spiteful. We cannot look beyond this moment and yet we need a commitment, promise of focus, an entire life worth of happiness as a payment for someone’s existence in our life. 


I am really tired of understanding myself, what do I want, what am I actually looking for? I have absolute clarity that I am done with whoever I considered close to me, be it family, friends and all the unnecessarily clingy relationships! I am done trying to impress people with whatever little emotions I could. Here on, I am happy to be on my own.


This earth doesn’t revolve fast enough to throw me off its trajectory. Of all the people, why am I hanging in there for no motivation? I have worked hard enough, wasted enough time, there is always confusion of pick and choose! There are always two choices and I can pick both but then, they cease to exist together. Either I plan to be happy or I plan to cling to something in the past . Happiness and the past unfortunately do not gel very well. For no matter, how happy I am the next moment appears to be comparatively dull. The hyper active side of me has been the most restless in past few months, so much so that I had deleted facebook, went off the grid and I have no clue what all I tried. All sorts of tactics. The worst is yet to come.


Whatever happened wasn’t entirely my prerogative, it was either pushed, forced or lack of maturity. Here on though, I am aware of my situations and in the process of making peace. However, what doesn’t impress me is my nature to jump in to something and to want to achieve it in the very next second. If only, I could convince myself that, that’s not how life works. It all happens at a pace. Now, pace; pace is a very tricky word here. Your pace is always slower than mine! All I can do is to move on, start fresh and keep fighting till I find a way to acknowledge and accept life as it is! Which is another story anyway.